Welcome, to our year of light, of continuity, of amazing blazing glory.
Things can only get better.
Have you ever been in that position where it felt like you have found that one person who
means much more than a lot to you?
Have you ever thought of yourself as “in love?”
Like there couldn’t possibly be anywhere you’d wanna be in the universe except in the arms of
your loved one?
He spoils you silly with love and you feel like, before you, after you, beyond you, nothing else
matters, just you.
And then all of a sudden — you find yourself soliloquizing in the lines below;
How does a person love up on someone so much only for them to give you the cold treatment
just after you decide to love them back, perhaps even more than they showed you?
How can someone who had all the time in the world for you suddenly become busy and
unlovely and unloveable?
Somehow, you know the individual doesn’t despise you, but as is obvious, their action(s)
doesn’t quite measure up.
Now, there are two things involved here:-
Either that person has become plain disinterested in you and is actually giving you the green
light to move on with your life
Or
Maybe, just maybe, it’s about time you pursued them too; maybe it’s time you loved up on
them – more.
So, I want to make a proposal; as we all know — life is a teacher, like Jim Palmer would say –
“there’s twice as much we don’t know, than we do know”.
Granted, I’m yet to get past my confuzzlement on why the male folk especially, lead ladies on
to a certain extent only to turn them into bundles of insecurity, all the same:-
My proposal goes thus:-
- I’d like for us to re- adjust our definition of love.
- Let’s operate from this base of understanding that beyond the frills and thrills, underlying and
over the top excitement; Love Is A Decision.
- It’s about time we turned on our humanity towards our partner.
Loving and our emotions are something else, simply out of this world. I’ve heard people reduce
love to chemical equations and mere release of hormones into the human brain and all I
literally do is just shake my head.
Some, have even tried to calculate love by overly using their brain, in a bid to avoid being
friendzoned or outrightly fooled.
In my sojourn though, I’ve found that you’ll fall for whom you’ll fall for and you’ll get bored if
you’ll get bored.
We could do without overly mathematicalizing love.
Ultimately, we ought to be proactive.
When the boredom comes; owh trust me, it will.
When the attraction becomes less; When there’s absolutely little or nothing to talk about;
What measures do we take to spark it all up again?
This would normally require us going beyond ourselves, and ego, maybe. But with the right
person, it’s worth it, I think.
If he doesn’t call you as usual, call him.
If he fails to say I love you and those sweet nothings you like to hear, say it to him.
If he doesn’t ask about your loved ones, your family, your career and your circumstances, ask
about his.
If he doesn’t buy you those thoughtful gifts anymore like he used to, please go out of your
way and get some for him.
If you really love that guy AND YOU THINK HE IS WORTH IT, despite his below par
performance, love up on your man, love him, not because you are desperate – no, no; not as a
means to manipulate him into doing your biddings mbanu (no),let your actions towards
him flow from a pure heart, as much as you can, give your best into the relationship without
expecting so much.
“But Adannaya, what if he doesn’t reciprocate, what if I genuinely get tired and I just need to
break it off with him”
^^^ Always follow your heart, be sure you’re being guided by your inner light — by that feeling
that’s real, deep inside you.
Remember, patience is a virtue and there’s really nothing like certainty in a relationship that is
built to last.
Perhaps, one of the greatest lessons we can learn during this season, as we usher in the New
Year is that, Giving is the best form of receiving.
To the guys reading this, a friend shared this text with me as shared by Kanye West via his
twitter account — you might be inspired
“Sometimes, what a girl does is push the guy away to see if he’ll still come back to her to
test how much he actually wants to be with her. So be the guy who will call her back when
she hangs up on you out of frustration. Be the guy who will chase after her when she walks
away from you out of anger. Be the guy who will comfort her when she’s too stubborn to tell
you what’s wrong. Be the guy to reassure her when she’s jealous that the other girl means
nothing. Be the guy who will fight for her when she’s too afraid to stay in the relationship. Be
the guy who will prove to her that she’s able to trust someone again. When she feels certain
you’re the one, that’s when she’ll stop pushing.”